The Desire to be Blessed

Mark Laaser

The point being, God is well pleased with Jesus and he hasn't done anything that we would normally think of to earn that pleasure. He just is who he is and God is pleased with him and I. I know myself as a father that, you know, there's that sense with any of our children, Randy, that we are pleased with them and they may do some great things, they may do some crazy things, but, you know, there's really nothing they can do that would take away our love for them.

Mark Laaser

Right. That's kind of what we're talking about here. The love of a father or a mother for a child, that the child doesn't need to accomplish anything. We are just pleased with them. We are just glad that they.

Randy Evert

Were born.

Randy Evert

Welcome to the Faithful and True podcast. I'm Randy Everett, your co-host. And today we'd like to offer you a episode from our legacy collection featuring doctor Mark Lazar, and it is from the Seven Desires series. Here, Mark and I have the opportunity to talk about the desire to be blessed. Here now is doctor Mark Lazar and the Faithful and True podcast.

Mark Laaser

Welcome to our show today, Randy. We're continuing our series on the seven desires of the heart that Debbie and I have written about and speak about. Today we are arriving at the third desire that we describe the desire to be blessed.

Randy Evert

Well, there's many a day that I'm happy to report that I feel blessed. So this is a this is a desire that I think our listeners are going to enjoy learning more about and its value.

Mark Laaser

Now I understand blessed. I think you you have to go back and review a little bit about what we talked about last week, which was the desire to be affirmed, the desire to be affirmed, the desire to be told positive things about actual behaviors that you've done. It's to be thanked. It's to be complimented. And when we get to the third desire, it's related.

Mark Laaser

But one of the big distinctions is that when we feel blessed, we feel that people admire us, approve of us, want to be with us, celebrate us regardless of what we've done.

Randy Evert

Well, it's interesting because it's a term that I have noticed has become quite popular. Even when you're watching professional sports. And by that I was watching an interview, you know, following a game last weekend. And one of the star athletes was, you know, being interviewed about his performance or about the opportunity that he's being given. And I'm seeing a and maybe it's just an indication of of professional athletes who are believers.

Randy Evert

But at the same time, the term I feel blessed to have this opportunity, I feel blessed to be on this team. You know, even even to the point that a player will be asked his, his chances of making the team with all of the NFL teams in camp right now. And I kept hearing the, you know, the analogy.

Randy Evert

I feel blessed to have this opportunity. So I think it's interesting that it's also one of the seven desires of the heart, the desire to be blessed.

Mark Laaser

Yeah. And even I think in raising that example, I would say that there's some slight element there of confusion about the difference between affirmation and blessing, meaning that, you, you know, and it's very common to say, I feel blessed that I have the talent, that I have, the opportunity that I've been given the chance. I think that's a common thing to say.

Mark Laaser

I would call it good fortune. I would call it calling. I would call it, perhaps even as a person of faith, the intervention of the Holy Spirit. I think one of the keys, though, to understanding blessing is that, let's say the same person who is being interviewed doesn't make the team. Doesn't ever play in the NFL.

Mark Laaser

I think if at the end of that realization and the acceptance of the fact that he's gone as far as he's going to go at that point, he could say, I feel blessed, meaning that he has people in his life, whether or not he made it in the NFL or not, that celebrate him, that that love him, that accept him, that find him to be a valuable human being.

Mark Laaser

So, in other words, one of the ways I think we think about blessing is that it's that that sense of unconditional acceptance. You know, we don't have to perform. We don't have to accomplish. We just have to be who we are. And people enjoy us and want to be with us.

Randy Evert

When you and Debbie wrote the book The Seven Desires of Every Heart, when were you struck by the fact that to be blessed, you know, should be included in the book?

Mark Laaser

Well, I think it's because so many people don't feel that sense of unconditional love and acceptance. I think it's also because in our field, all the men that we work with have at some level screwed up and rather egregiously or seriously sinned. I think there's a part of them that despite the fact that they have made many, many mistakes, committed many, many sends, they still want to be known that they're acceptable, fine, good human beings.

Mark Laaser

I remember thinking about it back in those early days that because of the fact that my story had been on the front page of the local newspaper, I remember the the feeling inside myself that I would like if I, you know, had the money and opportunity to take out a full page ad in that same newspaper that simply said, Mark Lazar is not such a bad guy because all the news stories were making me out to be kind of a bad guy.

Mark Laaser

I think the desire to be blessed is the desire that, you know, we're a good person. We're not a bad person. We're worthwhile, we're acceptable. We're, basically at heart. And in our in our basic core, we are we are good people.

Randy Evert

Well, before we go to break here, I think it's interesting that the listeners, if they have never read the book, which, by the way, is now available in paperback as well, under the simplified title of Seven Desires. Both books, hardcover and softcover, are available at Faithful and true.com in our bookstore. But you know what I have noticed since we started this series is we have been contacted by some of our listeners and, you know, they want to know more about the book.

Randy Evert

And I think this is exactly what we're going to do through this series. And I think in the end, we will probably end up taking this series of seven shows and and combining them so that we can have a CD to offer that is kind of a visual or an audio. It's not an audio version of the book because there's much, much more depth to the book and how you and Debbie have written it.

Randy Evert

But if you're interested in learning more about the seven desires, we do encourage you to visit our website, to visit our bookstore, and to order seven desires or the seven desires of Every heart. Let's get back to today's program, in which we are talking about the third of seven desires, and that is the desire to be blessed.

Mark Laaser

One of the biblical stories that we always find interesting when we start teaching about this desire is the story of Jesus and His baptism. I think most of our listeners have some basic Bible knowledge, and they'll be familiar that, you know, before Jesus really started his career teaching, he was a carpenter. He worked for his father, who was a carpenter.

Mark Laaser

And that was not uncommon in those days for a father to follow in the footsteps or the son to follow in the footsteps of his father. So Jesus, you know, up until roughly age 30, was a carpenter and built things. There's some speculation, by the way, theologians love having speculative discussions with each other about now what kind of carpentry.

Mark Laaser

And there's some debate as to whether or not he made furniture or whether he made boats. Boats seem to be a theme throughout the New Testament. So there's some speculation that he made boats as a carpenter. But then, of course, his cousin John, who has gone before him and is baptizing, he Jesus comes to John to be baptized.

Mark Laaser

And there is that story there where God speaks to him from the clouds and says these words, this is my son, with whom I am well pleased. Now from from that, you know, I put it in context and say, God is saying that, that he's well pleased with his son, but his son really hasn't done any of the work that his father has sent him to do.

Mark Laaser

He's he's done work that his earthly father has asked him to do. The point being, God is well pleased with Jesus, and he hasn't done anything that we would normally think of to earn that pleasure. He just is who he is. And God is pleased with him. And I, I know myself as a father that, you know, there's that sense with any of our children, Randy, that we are pleased with them and they may do some great things, they may do some crazy things, but, you know, there's really nothing they can do that would take away our love for them.

Mark Laaser

Right? That's kind of what we're talking about here. The love of a father or a mother for a child, that the child doesn't need to accomplish anything. We are just pleased with them. We are just, glad that they were born.

Randy Evert

Well, and it's it, it leads to that unconditional love that we've talked about before. I think when we talk about our love for our children, that is really specifically that that level of love and commitment and acceptance of our children, no matter how they behave, you can't escape the fact that we were we were always going to unconditionally love them.

Mark Laaser

Well, you know, you and I might say that, but there's certainly any number of the men and women that we work with who did that experience that I mean, they they didn't feel unconditionally loved. They they felt that their parents approval was definitely conditional, that they needed to get good grades or they needed to go to certain activities or sports or colleges or whatever else it is.

Mark Laaser

In other words, you know, a lot of parents aren't necessarily good at the unconditional love they may, somewhere deep inside them, unconditionally love their children, but they don't, let them know that they they always setting out different standards for them to achieve. And then there's certainly what we would call anti blessing, where some children have grown up with the feeling that they're not wanted, they're not loved.

Mark Laaser

One of the interesting enemies I don't want to go off on too big of a tangent, but I do think that, you know children that are adopted, they are given up, perhaps for some very good reasons by their biological mothers and fathers and placed in very loving Christian homes or whatever. I mean, they, they're placed in, in great homes, and yet there's still a part of them that feels unwanted.

Mark Laaser

That's a deep part of themselves. It's about a deep level of attachment. This is nobody's fault. We're not judging anybody. You know, we might all agree that certain, you know, biological parents, if they're 15 or 16 years old and they give up a child to a better family, that will give them a better chance. That's probably a good thing.

Mark Laaser

I'm just saying that, you know, those those, children, it's still at some point going to have to, you know, deal with a decision about being loved, blessed, which is what we're talking about here. I remember talking to one of our men. This is years and years ago who, you know, went after one accomplishment after another. He went to West Point.

Mark Laaser

After West Point, he went to medical school. He became a very leading physician in the United States military, and, all his life, he grew up with the fact that his mother was like 44, 45 when he was born, and all his brothers were at least ten years older than he was, and his mother had been anticipating the empty nest.

Mark Laaser

So when this guy came along. His mother let him know most days of his life that he was a mistake, that he was really not wanted, that he was an accident, you know, and that's what we would call anti blessing. Some of us grew up without any sense of being celebrated. Honored. One way to know about this one is when you were growing up, what were your birthdays like?

Mark Laaser

How were your accomplishments celebrated or treated or whatever it was? I, I know that the people who struggle with this, this one the most, they they, they they wonder what it is that they need to do in order to finally feel that sense of blessing.

Randy Evert

When you, Deb, are working with couples, how is it that you represent, or explain to them, you know, this particular desire in applying it to their relationship?

Mark Laaser

Well, you know, one of the interesting things about this is that, I think we we look at our partner, our spouse as being a place where we would love to get unconditional love and acceptance. And one of the things we teach is that, you know, it's really the job of parents to be the unconditional people.

Randy Evert

Of givers.

Mark Laaser

Love givers that, you know, when we get married, there is that sense of wanting our partner to love and accept and put up with whatever it is we do. But that's pretty unrealistic, at least for sure in the early days of relationship. Later on down the road, we can screw up and make some mistakes, and if our partners stay with us, you know, then that can be a sign of blessing.

Mark Laaser

I think, you know, for Debbie to have stayed with me after 15 years of marriage, after the disclosure of all of my stuff, you know, I think that was actually an act of blessing. But inherent in that was me changing my behaviors and becoming, you know, more. The man that guy called me to be, particularly when it comes to fidelity and so forth.

Mark Laaser

And from that point on, I think Debbie was able to move to a place of forgiveness, which at that point, forgiveness can be definitely a part of blessing, you know that. You know, it was definitely a blessing for Debbie to decide to stay, you know, that kind of thing.

Randy Evert

Are there other aspects like that? That's a perfect example. Forgiveness seems to be a a perfect kind of sidebar emotion or aspect to being blessed. Are there others that that come into that same kind of category as forgiveness?

Mark Laaser

Well, I do think that another thing that we could add to the list there with forgiveness is and again, it's dependent on whether or not, whatever the behavior is that is caused the damage of the harm. If the if the husband in our case, the, the men who struggle with addiction, if they have changed their behaviors that they've gotten sober, then it can also lead to acts of forgiveness, but it also leads to reconciliation.

Mark Laaser

Reconciliation means that I, I decide to continue to live with you, because I do notice that you are changing and you are becoming a different person. Forgiveness does not always imply that we reconcile. You know, we can forgive those who've harmed us even though they might not have changed. And if we're around them, they might continue to harm us.

Mark Laaser

So forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation. But if the the change is in place about behaviors, then I think forgiveness and reconciliation go hand in hand.

Randy Evert

Would there be any other aspects that you want our listeners to understand? As we get towards the end of today's show, are there any other aspects that you want to share about this particular desire?

Mark Laaser

Well, I think one of the great confusions, and we kind of started by talking about, I think, the fact that the second desire, the desire to be affirmed and the desire for blessing are often confused. And what we generally mean by that is that if we've never felt like we've had the blessing or that unconditional love, or that unconditional desire to be wanted and to be loved and so forth, I think our wires get crossed, and we think that there are things that we have to accomplish, or things that we have to do to get the blessing.

Mark Laaser

I'm fond of a lot of movies, as our listeners, I think probably know at this point, and one of the movies that is very powerful, I don't recommend watching it for a Friday night's fun, you know, popcorn night. But Schindler's List is a really dark story of the Holocaust. And there is this one German, Arthur Schindler, who decides in his factory to try to save as many Jews as he can, and he winds up saving a few hundred of them at the end of the movie.

Mark Laaser

All these gone through to trick the Germans and do whatever about this. He's. The Jews are celebrating him. The Jews have taken some jewelry and melted it down and made a ring for them, for him in gratitude. And and they're sending him off the the allies are coming in. They're going to be liberating all of this. And so they presented him with this ring out of appreciation and and he breaks down sobbing.

Mark Laaser

He says, if I had only done a little more, I could have saved another life or 2 or 3 if I had sold this car, you know, whatever else. And his right hand man during this whole movie, who's really been the business mind behind all of this kind of whispers in his ear, you did enough. Then he says, you did so much.

Mark Laaser

I think all of us are lying. To hear those words, you know that we did enough. Whatever it is we're called to do, whatever it is our Heavenly Father has in store for us. We've done enough. You know, we don't need to do anything to earn God's love. That's the ultimate source of blessing. We don't need to write more books.

Mark Laaser

And I think of that for myself. I think I used to think that if you wrote a book and got it published, you'd be blessed. Well, you know, or got a PhD degree. You'd be blessed. I now know today that those kinds of things don't bring you blessing. What brings you blessing is the sense that the people love you despite whatever you've done.

Mark Laaser

And God is that way. You know, despite all of our sins, as the Bible so frequently teaches us, God and decided to send his only son for us. So, you know, I'm not going to preach any more sermons now. I'm just saying the source of ultimate blessing is God. And then, you know, I think one of our challenges is to bless others.

Mark Laaser

You know, it's not just to sit around and long for others to bless us, but, you know, how can we be a blessing to our children and to our communities and to people we care about?

Randy Evert

Thank you for joining us today on the Faithful and True podcast. This legacy presentation, featuring doctor Mark Lazar and myself, was just reminds me how much we used to enjoy our time together and our meaningful conversations. Mark always had a great way of delivering a powerful message, and the Seven Desires collection was amongst the the very best. So we hope that you enjoyed that.

Randy Evert

We hope that you'll visit our website, Faithful and true.com, where you'll find lots of information, lots of online opportunities to read and join our three day intensive workshops. We offer the Men's Journey Workshop every month for men and then on a quarterly basis, we offer the Women's Journey workshops and also Couples Journey workshops. So check that all out at Faithful and true.com.

Randy Evert

In the meantime, we hope that this coming week will be a week for you that's filled with many blessings and with great vision.