Characteristics of a Safe Church

Randy Evert:Welcome to the Faithful & True Podcast. I’m Randy Evert, your co-host, and today we have another Legacy presentation featuring Dr. Mark Laaser. The subject of today’s podcast is Characteristics of a Safe Church. Dr. Mark Laaser shares important insight into how churches can become healthier, safer places for people struggling with sex addiction, porn addiction, betrayal trauma, and marriage recovery challenges. These conversations are deeply connected to healing, healthy sexuality, and posttraumatic growth, and we are honored to continue bringing these discussions into the light.

It was always a joy to sit with Mark for these conversations. His wisdom, honesty, and willingness to break the silence around sexual brokenness created space for countless men, women, couples, and church leaders to begin pursuing healing and transformation. So here now is Dr. Mark Laaser with today’s Faithful & True Podcast presentation: Characteristics of a Safe Church.

Dr. Mark Laaser:Randy, today I thought we would address a subject that is near and dear to our hearts here at Faithful & True. I would describe it this way: What are the characteristics of a safe church?

This topic matters deeply to us because we are in a season where we feel called to speak directly into the local church. Through our Fight of Your Life events, we want to help churches open conversations around healthy sexuality, sex addiction recovery, porn addiction, betrayal trauma, and marriage recovery. But in order for those conversations to happen, people must believe the church is safe enough to have them.

So today I want us to think out loud together and invite our listeners to reflect on this question: What actually makes a church safe?

Randy Evert:It’s interesting you bring that up today, Mark, because we’re very excited about these new Fight of Your Life events that have launched over the last few months. I was describing the program to a friend recently and explaining how your vision was to reach men before sexual struggles turned into full-blown sexual addiction.

You asked an important question years ago: What if we reached men through the local church before their struggles became destructive? What if we educated them about sexual integrity, moral accountability, and the culture we’re living in today?

As I shared that vision with my friend, he immediately responded, “Well, the problem is that churches usually don’t address those subjects.”

Dr. Mark Laaser:And we hear that all the time. Over the years, I’ve heard thousands of people say, “If someone had talked about this at church, maybe my eyes would have been opened sooner.”

In today’s culture, we are literally one click away or one swipe away from pornography. We are living in an incredibly dangerous time when it comes to sexual temptation, secrecy, and addiction. Romans 12:2 tells us, “Do not conform to the ways of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

That verse applies powerfully to sexuality and recovery. Churches need to ask themselves whether they are helping people renew their minds or whether silence is unintentionally allowing unhealthy culture to flourish unchecked.

I would encourage listeners to think about this personally. When you were growing up in church, did it feel safe? And if it didn’t feel safe, why not?

One of the most common answers is that nobody talked openly about sexuality. Healthy sexuality, sexual struggles, porn addiction, betrayal trauma, and recovery were ignored for generations in many churches. Meanwhile, men and women were silently desperate for guidance.

At Faithful & True, we often say there’s a “pink elephant in the pew.” Everyone knows the issue exists, but few people are willing to address it openly.

Earlier today I started thinking about characteristics of a safe church, and interestingly enough, I came up with seven of them.

Randy Evert:Seven is always a good biblical number.

Dr. Mark Laaser:Exactly. So let’s talk specifically about seven characteristics of a church that promotes healthy sexuality, healing, and recovery.

The first characteristic is this: a safe church openly addresses sexuality.

A healthy church is willing to talk about sexuality from the front of the sanctuary—from the pulpit, during worship services, in classes, and throughout church life. People should hear biblical teaching about sexuality, pornography, sexual integrity, betrayal trauma, and marriage recovery as part of normal church conversations.

I would challenge listeners to think about how often they’ve actually heard these subjects addressed in church. Across denominations, this remains a widespread issue. The silence is universal.

A church becomes safer when pastors and church leaders are willing to acknowledge these struggles openly and compassionately.

Sometimes churches have men’s purity groups or recovery groups, yet the topic is never discussed publicly from the stage. That inconsistency says something important. It communicates that these struggles must remain hidden.

Historically, recovery meetings often happened quietly in church basements through side entrances because people were ashamed to be seen. Thankfully, some of that has changed, especially through programs like Celebrate Recovery. But there is still more work to do.

One of my favorite experiences related to this topic has been teaching a course at Fuller Seminary called Pastoral Care and Healthy Sexuality. It was one of the first seminary courses in the nation focused specifically on sexuality and recovery.

Some students who had already graduated actually returned to take the class because they realized their training was incomplete. They said no one had prepared them to address sex addiction, pornography addiction, betrayal trauma, or healthy sexuality in ministry.

That says a lot about the gaps churches and seminaries still need to address.

The second characteristic of a safe church is this: we don’t shoot the wounded.

One reason people stay silent about sexual struggles is fear. Fear of judgment. Fear of shame. Fear of losing relationships, leadership positions, or ministry opportunities.

I’ve talked to many pastors who hid their struggles because they feared they would lose everything if they admitted their pain.

When I personally crashed and burned years ago, a denominational leader visited Debbie and me briefly. He was deeply uncomfortable and finally said, “We’ll call you.” That call never came.

Now, I don’t necessarily blame him personally. I think he simply didn’t know how to respond. But that experience reflects a larger church culture that often doesn’t know how to walk compassionately with people facing sexual brokenness.

Randy Evert:And research has shown that some clergy struggle with these issues themselves, which may explain why many churches avoid the conversation.

Dr. Mark Laaser:That’s true. Not every pastor struggles in this area, of course, but enough do that it highlights how universal these challenges are.

The third characteristic of a safe church is that it shares testimonies of healing and recovery.

Churches should create space for people to share stories of redemption, marriage recovery, posttraumatic growth, and healing from sexual addiction or betrayal trauma. Those testimonies are incredibly powerful.

I remember one couple from our alumni community sharing their faith story at church. They talked openly about pornography, marital pain, and the healing work God was doing in their relationship. Afterward, the congregation applauded enthusiastically.

That kind of transparency changes everything. It tells struggling people, “You are not alone. Healing is possible.”

Even pastors sharing appropriately about their own struggles can be transformational. When leadership models honesty and recovery, shame begins to lose its grip.

At Faithful & True, we often say that silence is the number one enemy of sexual health. Breaking silence creates the possibility for healing, accountability, and transformation.

The fourth characteristic of a safe church is educational programming around healthy sexuality at every level.

Churches need age-appropriate teaching for children, teenagers, young adults, singles, couples, and families. In today’s digital world, children are encountering pornography younger and younger. Many parents feel overwhelmed and unprepared.

Healthy churches proactively educate people about sexuality from a biblical and relational perspective before crisis happens.

Youth pastors, college pastors, and family ministries need tools to address pornography addiction, sexual temptation, relational integrity, and emotional health.

Many of the men who come through Faithful & True tell us they felt completely alone growing up in church. No one was talking about these issues, so they assumed something was uniquely wrong with them. That isolation often feeds shame and addiction.

Education helps interrupt that cycle.

The fifth characteristic of a safe church is active support groups.

Healthy churches provide support groups for people struggling with addiction, compulsive sexual behavior, betrayal trauma, and relationship recovery. Celebrate Recovery has helped normalize this in many churches, but there is still tremendous need.

Support groups provide accountability, encouragement, and community. Men pursuing sexual integrity need other men walking alongside them. Betrayed spouses need support and validation. Couples need places where healing and marriage recovery can be nurtured.

Senior leadership matters tremendously here. When pastors openly acknowledge support groups from the platform, it communicates safety instead of shame.

The sixth characteristic is that churches host educational events and conferences.

Events like Fight of Your Life create momentum. They bring people together, break silence, educate congregations, and create opportunities for honest conversations.

Many men attend these events and speak honestly about sexual struggles for the first time in their lives. That kind of breakthrough can change the trajectory of recovery and posttraumatic growth.

Finally, the seventh characteristic of a safe church is strong couples ministry.

This may be one of the most neglected areas in the church today. Churches often have ministries for children, youth, men, and women, but couples are frequently overlooked.

Yet many couples are quietly struggling with porn addiction, betrayal trauma, intimacy challenges, infidelity, and emotional disconnection.

Safe churches invest in marriage recovery. They provide support groups, educational resources, workshops, and ongoing encouragement for couples navigating healing and restoration.

Randy Evert:As we close today, Mark, what would you say directly to pastors, church leaders, and ministry leaders listening right now?

Dr. Mark Laaser:I would simply encourage leaders to be courageous. Be willing to break the silence around sexuality, sex addiction, pornography addiction, betrayal trauma, and recovery.

Start conversations. Create resources. Offer support groups. Develop educational opportunities. Encourage transparency and compassion rather than shame and secrecy.

And if you’re attending a church that consistently feels unsafe around these issues, it’s okay to prayerfully consider whether there may be a healthier environment for your healing journey.

Trust your instincts about whether a church truly creates space for honesty, grace, recovery, and posttraumatic growth.

At Faithful & True, we want churches to become places where people no longer have to hide.

Randy Evert:Thank you for joining us today on the Faithful & True Podcast. You’ve been listening to Dr. Mark Laaser’s presentation on Characteristics of a Safe Church.

We hope today’s conversation has encouraged you, informed you, and reminded you that healing is possible. Whether you are struggling with sex addiction, porn addiction, betrayal trauma, or challenges in marriage recovery, there is hope, support, and transformation available.

We invite you to visit Faithful & True for additional resources, support materials, workshops, and recovery tools designed to help individuals, couples, and church communities pursue healing and posttraumatic growth.

Until next time, we pray this coming week is filled with blessing, courage, healing, and renewed vision.